BREAKING URIEL

BREAKING URIEL

Broken, shattered and lost, Uriel sat at the first row of the church pew on Sunday morning. He would have been home sleeping or seeing seasonal movies again but for the persistent disturbance of his mother. Sitting at the front seat next to his mother, Uriel stared straight into the preacher's eye hoping to find peace, truth and some sort of consolation. The glassy eyes of the preacher seemed to break him, "how could a preacher be so passionate about God" he thought. He wondered why someone would get emotional while speaking about a wooden cross. To him it was just normal wood that could be replicated anytime but the preacher kept on hammering on the efficacy of a cross. He snorted and muttered "cut that crap, how can a wooden cross save me? The same wooden cross that couldn't save the Christ? Y'all are too dumb." 

He made a move to stand from his seat and head out but a warm hand stopped him, he didn't need any soothsayer to tell him it was his mum, he could feel the stern motherly eye piercing  his skin, grunting, he stayed back in position. The next thing he heard the pastor say almost sent him running out of church in anger "this pastor and wrong timing!" he muttered. He gave his mother a stiff smile as his mother took the pastors instruction quite personal. "Believe in God", he heard the same loving voice he's been hearing for the past thirty two years of his life say in shaky breaths, he turned to see a drop of tear almost falling from her mother's left eye. Uriel's eye stung as he watched his mother blink back the tears, next he felt a warm hand encapsulate his cold ones, heat surged through his body at the familiarity of that touch. Three weeks before, his mother had rushed him to the hospital after finding his passed out from drug overdose. He zoned out of the service, and took a trip to three weeks ago, he had worn his neon pink suit and pant trouser hoping to be buried that way. He was tired of living in shame and sorrow so he downed over 20 pills of his antidepressants knowing fully well that it had the power to kill him. 

Uriel jolted out of his thoughts as his mother's warm hands rested on  his lap. He gently caressed the hand with his as he wondered back to memory land while staring intently at the pulpit, the same place he stood three months ago to be wedded to the love of his life, Hannah. Not only did Hannah stand him up at the altar, he was whisked out of the church by Hannah's father to say his final goodbye to her on the hospital bed. He couldn't even say a proper goodbye to the love of his life. Uriel remembered clinging to her lifeless  body in tears while asking the reason for her sudden death. It was there he found out that Hannah was living a lie, not once did she tell him that she was an hypertensive sickler. The woman was as healthy as a horse, she didn't even show signs of emaciation or anything, he kept on questioning God and himself, why did HE let him fall this hard for her and take her away from him on his wedding day? He asked so many questions, none that he got answers for. 

He zoned back to the service to hear the same phrase that gets on his nerves everytime. He didn't know when he jumped to his feet to ask the questions that have been eating him up angrily with tears running freely down his eyes while looking straight into the pastors eyes. " Believe in God you say? Do you even know what it means to believe in God? Have you ever tasted hurt, grief and betrayal? Why should I believe in the God that took away my spouse? Why should I believe in Him when He refused to answer me when I called in agony? Tell me why should I believe Him when he caused me this much pain? Where was he when Hannah breathed her last breath? Tell me pastor, where was he?". He stood facing the pastor as he shook angrily with tears running down his eyes and mucus pouring freely from his nose

"Son, God was where He was when His only begotten son was nailed to the cross, He was where He was when Jesus breathed his last breath, He was where he was when Christ was buried. You're fighting a battle you can never win son, why don't you surrender this burden on your shoulder and let Him give you peace. You say you've been asking God questions but have you truly inclined your heart to hear from Him or have you just been blaming him? You know son..." Uriel didn't wait to hear anymore words from the pastor before he stormed out, leaving his mother behind. 

He got into his car and drove miles away from the church building before switching off his car engine. He pulled his hair in frustration and cried out in agony, ready to let go, ready to listen to what God had to say. "Why lord? Where did I go wrong?" He asked with his flooded bloodshot eyes and his heart ready to hear. He leaned against his car headrest and cried some more as he heard the voice that he locked out for months. " I warned you son but you wouldn't listen, I told you she wasn't the one for you, I only sent you to her life to comfort her and give her my hope in the last days of her life. I sent you to her to keep her in check lest she forsake her faith but you decided to get the package I didn't send to you. I took her away because it was time, you were not doing what I sent you and she was going to forsake me in her pain. I also took her away because marrying her would have marked the end of your calling. Son, I am God, I do what is right!"

Uriel soaked in everything he just heard God say to Him. He remembered having this reoccurring feeling that he wasn't doing  something right, he remembered shutting out the Holy spirit. The voice note Hannah left for him before her death made sense now. Not only did he remember apologizing for keeping the secret away from him, he also remembered that she kept on repeating the word 'my guardian Angel'. He picked out the phone again to listen to the voice recording "Thank you for keeping me in the way of truth, thank you for keeping me in check my guardian angel" the last part of the voice recording playing in the background caused the intensity of his tears to increase. How could he have mistaken God's mandate for his life and still blamed God? Right there on his sit, he cried to God for forgiveness while starting the car and driving back to church with clouded eyes. By the time he got to the church, the few people that waited for after service counseling were already dispersing. Ignoring their stares and whispers, he walked down the same aisle he walked through three months ago and headed straight for the altar where he rededicated his life to Christ. After about an hour of getting back on the right foot with God, he stood up to see his mum standing at the middle of the church's aisle with a glassy eye, taking long strides, he stood before her and pulled her to a rib cracking hug that lasted over 5 minutes. He found Faith and solace in Christ and his mother's hug. 

Authors note

It's my birthday today 🥂. 

I decided to put out this piece to bless lives, it has been sitting pretty in my note app for weeks, I guess God was waiting for the right time. God is waiting to break you like He did Uriel, it is only when He breaks you that He can remould you, let Him work on your broken pieces.