UNRECIPROCATED HATRED 🥺

      I Hated Him Yet He Loved Me

      She lived in utter darkness , she loved the dark , she glorified at the very sight of it . Her favorite time  of the day was the night .... she could walk around freely , with no one having to see her . Her favourite colour was black , her room was painted black , her entire suite lacked colour ... every single thing she owned was black .
            Every morning she wakes up to her dimly litted room, she never opened her windows , not once in twenty eight years .  Her room was void of light , the only source of light she had in her room was a lamp , a very small lamp .
         She had a daily routine , one she never missed . Every morning when she wakes up she faces the direction of her unopened window and curses Him . She curses him as though he was there to hear everything she says . She does it we so much rigour , she hated him thrice as much as she hated her self . Before she goes to bed she does the same thing , she faces her "dark curtain covered " window and curses him .
       Her dairy was filled with his letters , she never wanted to see them so she locked them up in her dark closet . She was malnourished , she hated the very taste of salt . she never used spice nor salt ... her meals were more tasteless than water .
       "you made me this way " she screamed daily at a plastic being , she named the plastic being after him . So everyday after she finished cursing him by her window side , she went straight to the plastic being . The plastic being had been severely maimed , She hit it day and night . 
       Today was the first day she appreciated him , she had always hated him , right from the very moment she said her first words , she dreaded his name . It was however surprising that she acknowledged him today . She kept on saying those words .... those words I didn't seem to understand until she told me the story of her life . "I am because you are " those were the words she kept repeating in tears .
        She is an imbecile , she is physically challenged , she couldn't move in the day because people dreaded the very sight of her . Today is the first day she acknowledged her creator , God . She had always hated him , She never liked him , she believed he could have created her better but he chose to create her this way . Her Bible is that dairy , that dairy locked in her darkest closet , that dairy with His letters .
     It was not until today , when she decided to open up her dark closet and check out the letters in her dairy that she discovered that his thoughts toward her are of good and not if evil . She cried so hard as she pleaded for his forgiveness . She kept on repeating those beautiful words , those words she never believed in , those words she never accepted . "I am because you are "  If God didn't exist , she would not be alive today .
      I was in my room reading my Bible as usual when I heard that loud scream , that was the first time I heard her sound desperate . Other times I heard her , her voice was always laced with anger and vengeance but today after over 15 years I heard her voice , I heard her desperate cry  . For the past fifteen years I had been her neighbor I never saw her , I tried knocking her door a couple times , not once did she answer .
 After hearing her cry , I ran to her house as fast as my legs could carry me , I knocked on her door , this time she opened her door for me . The first question she asked me was "are you going to come in or are you going to leave me like the others ? am I that ugly ?" . I didn't bother answering her question I just walked in , Immediately she closed the door I was blinded by darkness . Why is this room so dark , is there no light  switch ?? I located the switch , when the lights came up what I saw was a dark room , no single iota of Color . I saw through her eyes , I saw through the dark walls of her room which somewhat bore resemblance to the walls of her heart  , I saw through her pains , I felt what she felt .
     She leaned on my shoulder and cried for "God knows how long "  . When she was done venting her emotions and asking for His forgiveness , she asked me to read one of His letters to her . I opened her dairy and read out the first thing I saw : "For in him we live, and move, and have our being" . Ironically , that particular letter I read corresponded with her earlier assertion "I am because you are" . She ran straight to her room , she opened her windows for the first time in twenty eight years …. She cried out in a loud voice “Jesus you are the reason for my existence. , I am because you are !”
     
      .