God's very own

 SISTER JUDITH Sister Judith Chorister swagga, Praise minister ginger. E n Judi tan awon brother je, You shake your butt during praise and worship sessions. Well done o, devil's crusader! Sister Judi Judi  "Judi Judi" for "shake bumbum" The youths even converted your name and you smile. Ahh sister Judith! You introduced so many worldly dances into the church. Ah sister Judith! It's you that said the brethren should dance "shoki" for Jesus the other day. The same you said " é gbese ke gbe body fOluwa" last Sunday. Oluwa wo? which God? Sister Judith, Stop misleading the youths! Sister Judith You know all the lyrics of the latest hip-hop songs. É è ma gbo " I stan lagbaja, I stan tamedu"  Well-done o, Satan is stanning you, hell is beckoning unto you. É è ya sora sister Judith, Be careful!  Come back to the Cross. Thousands have fallen due to your mistake. Hallelujah! The S.U series is finally over, it's time to step in to ...

BROTHER CORNELIUS  Brother Cornelius Brother cord coordinating women affairs. Well-done sir, The devil is your backbone.  Brother Cornelius, This your corny behavior nawa o! Luring sisters to sleep with you?  Eku ise o, Spiritual bowl of fire! Brother Corne, MOG!  Deliverance minister,  You are doing wonderfully well for the devil. How can devil cast out devil? Worry not, soon your deliverance mistresses will deliver children.  Bro Corne, Everytime you go dey talk say "be impregnated with the holy ghost" I hope you will not impregnate all the sisters in the church.  Brother Cornelius, You have corrupted all the brethren in the church. Defiled half of the sisters, And encouraged the brothers to do the same. Eku ise o, fornication crusader. Brother Cornelius, Conering all the beautiful sisters. Brother "Corne Corne" the connector. Well done sir, Your secrets will be exposed soon. Brother Corne, You have masterminded over thirty abortions in three months....

 SISTER CLARA!! Sister Clara "Elepe pesere"  If only curses could forgive sins, Then you would have been the savior of the world.  Curse is your shadow it follows you everywhere. Your tongue is ever ready to release them. Sister Clara, are you possessed? Sister Clara are you possessed?  Every time you curse, you defend yourself by saying, "O kamilara ni".  Pele o, Clara onikanra. Your red button flashes always.  Your appearance radiates danger,  Nobody wants to be cursed.  Ah! sister Clara! Awi tan, e le o Lori oko. How will your husband locate you with this cursing spirit? What if you have even cursed him unknowingly? Just as prophecies are to prophets, So are curses to you sister Clara.  Usher Elepe (The cursing usher), You use curses to welcome people into the church.  Who ordained you usher sister Clara? Should you even be addressed as "sister"? Ah, Clara! you have bastardized christianity me  Sister Clara, Chasing souls away fr...

 BROTHER CLEMENT Brother Clement "Cle Cle" as in clear road.  Every church service day you say "clear road, onijo nbo". It's you that will dance 'skeleu' in church, it's the same you that will dance 'zanku, galala and shoki'  Brother Clement, "Cle Cle" as in clear face.  Born black but transformed white, Micheal Jackson of our generation.  Voice, e dey there, Dance, e dey there, Bleaching, e gallant!  Well done sir! You told pastor that you didn't bleach, you Insisted that you just 'toned'.  Epele o, toner, What is the difference between a lion and a tiger?  Do they not belong to the same cat family?  Come off it bro Clement, come off it sir! Ahn ahn! The same you that cried before the alter of salvation has because of civilization thrown it away. You act as though you picked your salvation from the gutter.  Bro Clement, Clear your road of sin! Ease your soul of the burden of sin. Come back to the cross,  Christ is wait...

SISTER CHRISTI Skirts sweeping the floor at day,  Skirts barely below the bum at night! Sandals moving rhythmically to the sound of hands, Heels moving radically to the blaring music of the Disco house. Blouse sizing twice herself, Sitting at the front roll in the church with scarfs covering the ear, her forehead is barely seen. Crop tops with a generous display of boobs at night.  ************************************** Sister Christi, Why are you in the Disco house? You took the Bible study class just this evening, telling us to give our best to the master. Is this your best sister Christi? **************************************** Sister Christi, Revealing tops?  I thought you said our body is the temple of God, Why expose His sacred place to the world? Sister Christi I'm disappointed in you! **************************************** Wowu!  Is this sister Christi?  Our sister coordinator, that fervent sister? Why put myself in this bondage When sister Christi i...

Brother Charles  Brother Charles: Red crosset!! All: United blood! our machete is our our cross! Brother Charles: Red crosset! All: our cross drips blood! vengeance is our watchword!! Brother Charles: Meeting don close be that o. Black shadow! Commander in Chief of machete forces, e be like say you wan talk.  Black shadow: Charlie boi, I be dey think say you wan extend meeting. I wan tell una about my next scape goat but "brother" Charles fit get message to preach tommorow.  Brother Charles: Forget that brother thing o, na for church I dey answer brother. My name na Charlie boi!! All: Eyiii... All hail capon!  Brother Charles: I get message to prepare jere, tommorow na Sunday and na me dey handle "search the scripture". Una fit come my zone tommorow, make una come carry baba J's cross but as una dey listen to the pastor make una no forget say Wednesday night we go carry our cross o! blood go flow!! Goodnight. ************************************* Brother Charle...

  Dear God Please, order my steps in your ways. Lest my legs wander away from your path, And tread the path dangerous. Walk before me, And let me follow your foot prints. Lift me up and place me on your shoulders. Let your legs do the walking for me. Dear God  Please, order my steps in your words.  Teach me daily your scripture, Lest I deviate from your path. Plant thy word in me, Make thy word my map, Lest I miss the way in this world.  This world is just a path I must take to eternity. Dear God  Please, order my steps in your spirit. Let your spirit order my spirit, Lest I wander away from your presence. Create a link between your spirit and mine, Let there be a check in my spirit when I'm about to deviate from your word. Minister to me in the spirit, Let your spirit whisper to my ears. Dear God  Please, order my steps in your soul. Let there be a soulship between my soul and yours.  Sail the ship of my soul. Let your soul be my sailor, Disconnect me...

Dear God Why do you hate me this much? What sin did I commit? Maybe I can retrace my steps and rectify it, Or better still ask for forgiveness. Every year wraps up tarnishing my hope and faith in you. It's been ten years, Ten years of unfruitful prayers. Dear God Why did you decide to bless me with unfruitfulness and barrenness? I mean, out of all the numerous gifts you have in store, you chose to give me this? Dear God  Are you still up there? Are you still alive? Have you run short of breath? Do you no longer have life in you? Have you suddenly become like the gods my pastor told me about? Those gods that have ears but cannot hear. Those gods that have eyes but cannot see. Are you truly God? Often time I question your existence, Are you sure you exist? I have been crying to you for a decade now, Each time you tell me "cheer up daughter, your time is near" Can I get your definition of near please? What exactly does "near" mean in your dictionary? How long shall...